When we got pregnant with Malakai, our excitement was over the moon. Ti and I went through the motions that come with the seasons with each trimester drew closer to the day of his arrival. Everything became all too real when my water broke and it was time to learn what child birth is. Fortunately with the help of a “Doula,” Ti and I had been coached on things to expect, what we didn’t know was the impact of the 3 months that would follow our son’s arrival. It is from that experience in my ‘mommy hood’ that inspired the 5 things to consider for you “Mommy to be”
1. There’s no perfect moms just good moms doing their best. I remember when I became a mom I was so preoccupied with being perfect, you know, that mindset that aims to please the spectators with worlds of advise. Never letting the baby cry, having a perfect sleep schedule, maintaining a clean home for the visitors and having the perfect body. I had to learn over time that there are no perfect moms out there, baby will cry and sometimes until they fall asleep, the house might be untidy and that leads me to number 2.
2. It will get better. My first birth was traumatizing, this is not to freak you out future mom because experiences differ, but it was hard on my body. That coupled with a lack of sleep and ignorance on my part resulted in being an overwhelmed mommy. But over time baby began to sleep better, hubby and friends helped and we eventually got into groove.
3. Learn to ask for and accept help. You don’t have to do it all. There is an African proverb that goes - “It takes a village to raise a child,” this reigns true when dealing with the “fourth trimester.” There are a select few people that you are comfortable allowing into your personal space at your most vulnerable. Invite those reliable people and let them in, they are likely to be the ones that ask how they can help. So establish a village and let them help you.
4. Take care of you. Taking care of yourself is the best way of taking care of your baby and family. It’s important to find and do at least one thing that makes you happy. Being in the right frame of mind goes a long way in being an effective mom. Build a confidence in stepping away from the baby obviously taking their safety into consideration. It does not help to be tired and try handling a wailing baby it could hurt you and baby.
5. Talk to someone. When Malakai came into my life I without doubt knew that I loved him. What I didn’t know was that as my body reset it came with some imbalances. I went through a season of the “Baby Blues” where for two weeks I felt unhappy and overly emotional. In my case I didn’t want to deal with my baby and was fortunate enough to have a husband who took time off work to help. I took moments to tap into my village and embraced the help to have adult conversation and share my experiences as they happened. This helped me better ready to come back to the care of Kai with a clear mind and heart.
From one Mommy to another.
Ta